I really struggled to swim today, the idea of it was quite unappealing. I swam of course, but it was not pleasant. I neither had the energy or motivation to push, so pottered about in the water for 90 mins and got out. It was painful. Not physically, but mentally.
Maybe I was just having an off day. I think however, the demands of training, trying to maintain a positive outlook when faced with injury and then having to endure painful treatment; it has started to get to me.
It’s not just the swimming, it’s work, personal relationships; they all have a bearing on how I perform, how I feel and think.
This project, swimming, so much sacrifice. Doing what has to be done in order to achieve ones goals. It’s much easier to think or say you are going to do something that actually doing it. I’m quite sick of swimming at the moment.
I was wondering today if I made the wrong decision, whether all this swimming is just taking me away from myself.
On Saturday I’m swimming in the Champion of Champions in Dover harbour . I’m going to be wrecked in so many ways by this.
I keep meaning to paint but I really don’t have the time or energy to be creative, to think the thoughts I wanted to.